So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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