my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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