There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
