he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
