Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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