3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
