Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize