so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
