So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
