I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
