so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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