All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
