Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
