I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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