They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
