He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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