You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
