I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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