He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
