Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
