Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize
