I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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