it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
