Your face is a jimmy john
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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