just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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