im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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