True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
