Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize