I haven't been this sober since birth.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
