My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
