I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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