Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
