it hurts more in the daytime
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
