She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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