I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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