Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
