i always forget guys have bellybuttons
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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