Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
