Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
