Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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