i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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