32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
