Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
