She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
