I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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