he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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