oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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