found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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