I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
