there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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