is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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