you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
