just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
