You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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