i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
