it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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