but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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