And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
