Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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