no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
