She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
