Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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