I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
