i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
